Toxic

OK, I finally figured out how to break my Diet Coke habit. Say hello to my not-so-little friend:

For the last week or so I've been filling this bad boy, all 64 oz of him, up to the brim at the 7-Eleven... until today. Today I quit. Yeah, just like that.

The habit started when my husband was diagnosed with malignant (metastatic) melanoma, just about 11 months ago. The ritual carried me through the three months of his decline, his death, and the utter WTF-osity of the eight months that followed. And now it's officially over.

Here's the scoop: A couple of days ago I started feeling queasy, and it never quite went away. Last night I got this really weird metallic taste in my mouth, and no, it's not my braces. Somehow I just knew it was from the DC.

I was distressed. I didn't WANT to stop my habit. I'm not ready! But apparently my body is. I went to bed queasy and woke up queasy with that weird taste, like I was sucking on a metal washer. This morning even the thought of DC made me swallow real hard. Twice.

On my way into work I stopped at the drive-thru. Medium unsweetened tea, please. Could I live with that? I took a sip, and apparently I can.

I'm a little disappointed that it's not June 20th, approx. the anniversary of the diagnosis that started it all, but I'll just have to get over that.

Still got nothing against DC and I will enjoy it again, on occasion. But the required daily ritual dosing of myself with whatever-the-hell-that-shit-is-made-of is so over.

The body has spoken.
 

Doing The Math

So, yeah, I've been using the Costco weight loss shakes to wean myself off fast food lunches. It's been working pretty well, but I've been nagged by the sense that I've been drinking nothing more than YooHoo with a fancy label.

Today I finally crunched the numbers. Guess what? Turns out that about 1.7 of the 6.5 oz YooHoo drink boxes (plus 2T of protein powder) come pretty damned close to the values on the nutrition label of the Costco canned shake. It's short on fiber -- YooHoo has none -- but the shake only has 4 grams, just over 1/8th ounce, anyway. To be fair, I didn't compare vitamins, etc., but that's why we have multi-vitamins. What shocked me most was that the sugar grams were almost exactly the same.

**shudder**

Well, now I can't un-know that data, so it looks like the shakes are out. Reminds me of the day I discovered that Jiff peanut butter contained hydrogenated vegetable oil, aka Crisco. I swear, from that point on, I could feel it in there and haven't been able to buy it since.

So what else can I use for mindless lunches? And, while we're on the subject, how does my default smoothie recipe stack up?

Well, not surprisingly, my smoothie recipe plus some protein powder kicks the can to the curb. Also, it's a larger serving and has WAY more fiber. And, oh yeah, there's that 'whole food' thing, meaning it's actually made from real food.

But making a smoothie takes time. Also, the banana-heavy smoothie tends to oxidize and ends up looking uncomfortably like sewer sludge by lunchtime. OK at home, not so much on the road (or at the desk.) Is there anything else?

Why yes, there is. Turns out that good old Carnation Breakfast made with unsweetened almond milk and some protein powder is also a better choice than the canned shake, being higher in fiber and lower in sugar/calories. And if you go with the sugar-free variety, sugar and calories are lower still.

Fascinating, no?

After I kill the last few cans of shake (hell, I paid for 'em!) it's off to stock up on good old Instant Breakfast... excuse me, Breakfast Essentials, as it's now known. Sugar-free for me, regular for my 5'2", 90 lb. son, who can definitely use the extra calories for breakfast on non-smoothie days.

I always knew that math degree would come in handy someday.
 

Where is that saddle, anyway?

Is it still blogging if I only post every five months?

Not even going to bore you with what's been going on around here, but overall it has been OK. Not easy, but OK. And I am thrilled with OK.

I did drop a few pounds (depending on what day it is) and I manage to put something resembling food on the table most days. I've succeeded in cutting my fast food consumption way down (except for the Diet Coke) but the green smoothies fell off the list pretty quick. These days I'm using the Costco canned weight loss shakes for lunch. Perfect nutrition it's not, but if it keeps me out of the Burger King drive-through, I'm all for it.

The newest issue is that my son started ADD meds about month ago. It had made his school life SO much easier, however... it has cut his appetite. This is a problem because at 11 years old, he was 5'1" and 90 lbs when he started and he hasn't even begun having the massive growth spurts I know are coming.

So I'm trying to lose weight while trying to get him to gain. I'm cooking more meat (not a lot, but more than I was) and am sticking to things I know he likes, since without the driving force of hunger, he will simply not eat something if he's not attracted to it. Plus, he does leave more food on his plate, which means my bad habit of eating what he leaves behind has become an even worse habit.

And desserts. Did I mention desserts? Let's not go there right now, OK?

Anyway, I have a couple of new Project Weeknight recipes that I can count on him eating most of, most of the time. This one came about because I bought a box of 24 packages of ramen noodles at Costco. No, I don't know why.

Quasi-nutritious Ramen Soup

Per serving:
1 package of ramen noodles, flavor packed discarded
2 cups chicken stock
1/2 Tblsp. veg oil (or olive oil, or butter)
1/2 small onion, thinly sliced or julienned
1/4 cup julienned bell pepper strips (color of your choice)
1 cup (handful) thinly-sliced cabbage
1 sm.-med. carrot, thinly sliced or julienned
splash of sherry or white wine (or water)
salt & pepper to taste
soy sauce, chili garlic paste to taste (opt.)

Bring chicken stock to boil, add noodles and cook per package directions.

Heat oil/butter in a skillet on med-high. Saute the onions and bell pepper until slightly caramelized. Add carrots and cabbage, salt, pepper, and a splash of sherry/wine/water. Cover and let vegs steam for 3-4 minutes or until desired texture. Check seasoning of vegs and adjust.

To serve: Pour noodles and stock in bowl, top with vegs and desired condiments.

Notes:

• I am just guessing at the amount of vegs. Use whatever amount/proportions look right to you.


• Sometimes if I'm in a hurry I will nuke the carrot slices for a minute to get them started.


• Red pepper flakes would be nice. Maybe add those with the onions and bell pepper.


• I keep meaning to get some edamame to put in there.


• Instead of cabbage, you could throw a handful of fresh baby spinach in the bowl on top of the noodles.


• Hey, how about tofu cubes, or cooked chicken?

Not going to win any awards, but I figure it's a half-step up from Blue Box and frozen peas.
 

Surviving Catastrophic Life Changes

I'm sure most of you (if there are any of you left) already know that things went downhill fast and Hubby passed away near the end of September. It's impossible to believe it was almost two months ago.

I'm not going to whine about how much it sucks (lots) or how hard it is (very) 'cause I already have other outlets for that. Here, I can write about other things, like, say, food.

So let's do precisely that, shall we?

Once Hubby was no longer able to eat, my diet consisted mainly of Diet Coke and fast food. Surprisingly, I didn't gain any weight but didn't lose any either (blast you, comfort eating!) Then came condolences in the form of food gift baskets and of course I had to eat those. It would be rude not to, you know. Let's just say I got REALLY used to not cooking.

So now, two months post-apocalypse, I'm digging myself out of the trench, food-wise.

The first order of business has been to get back into getting real food on the table on weeknights. I am so grateful for my Project Weeknight archives! Yeah, I still pulled out a few more Blue Boxes than I'd like to admit, and once I even resorted to stacked cans of faux-Chinese food (FAIL!) but I'm getting there.

Now that the food gifts and Halloween candy are gone, I'm trying to get some weight off. Fast food has been officially demoted to emergency status only. I'm not quite ready to give up my daily Diet Coke, although this cold weather we're having is stifling my urge to run out and get a tall frosty one, IYKWIM.

Since lunches at work have been notoriously fast-food-centric, I'm using my Blendtec blender (LOVE!!) to make myself a green smoothie to take to work every day for lunch. It's only been a week, but the scale is starting to inch down just a bit.

Basic Green Smoothie
Based on Angela's Green Monster Smoothie and Alton Brown's Buff Smoothie

Makes ~32 fl. oz.

8 oz. frozen strawberries/mixed berries, by weight
4 oz. frozen mango or peaches, by weight
1 med. banana, sliced (~ 4 oz.) (see note)
2-4 oz. greens, by weight (see note)
12 fl. ounces milk of choice (I use unsweetened almond milk)
Other add-ins as desired (flaxseed, protein powder, whatever)

Blend following your blender directions, treating the frozen berries/mangoes as ice.

Notes:

• Since steamed greens are more easily digested, I buy raw kale and spinach, rough chop, and steam in the microwave. I then freeze them in zip-top bags in thin layers. Then I just break off what I need. I also sometimes include some romaine lettuce; raw, of course. It adds a really, um, earthy flavor, but I learned in my BAS days that romaine is amazingly full of nutrients so I suck it up.


• I buy bananas in large quantities, let them get fully ripe (or even a little past) then peel them and freeze them in a single layer in a zip-top bag.


• Also, since I am very lazy in the morning, on the weekends I'll portion out several zip-top sandwich bags containing 8 oz. frozen berries + 4 oz. frozen mangoes/peaches. Then all I have to do in the morning is grab one of those, one banana, break off some greens, and I'm ready to whirl.


• My blender instruction say to put the liquid and unfrozen stuff in first, then the frozen stuff on top. If I have frozen bananas, I thaw the frozen berries/mangoes in the microwave for a minute and put that in first, then slice the frozen banana on top. If I have a room temp banana I put it in first and the frozen fruit in last.

I don't know how long it's going to take me to get sick to death of these things, but if it gets me through the holidays, I'll be happy.

My latest discovery has been homemade Larabars. I completely burned out on bars during my briefly-successful-then-disastrous attempt at Atkins some years back so I'd never even had a Larabar, but for some reason I decided I had to try making some. They are fabulous and, miracle of miracles, my son loves them too. I made a small batch of Fudge Babies for dessert last night and they were perfect!

I'm taking the fact that I even care about real food a good sign. Here's hoping I can keep it going for awhile.
 

Where it's at

Hi, I'm back! Here's how I spent the last six weeks, in three acts:

Act I: Hubby gets cancer diagnosis. Ahhhh! Run around hysterically, rend garments, ululate a little (in private, of course). Tests are run, no one knows WTF is going on. Fall into depths of despair. Screw 2012 -- world will certainly end before that.

Act II: Information dribbles in. Puzzle pieces sssllllowly drift into place. Aha! We have a villain! To battle! Gird loins, check armaments, etc. Adrenaline is pumping. Treatment begins, side effects are minimal. We will vanquish the foe!

Act III: Wha-huh? It's gonna be weeks before we know if there are any results? Side effects start to appear. Hmmm... looks like this will be a marathon, not a sprint. Recalibrate stress hormones, stow battle gear and ashes/sackcloth. Try to get a handle on what The New Reality looks like.

Aaaand... cut to the present day.

Initially Hubby had a few weeks of ravenous appetite from massive doses of steroids but those days of him shoveling chow like a seventeeer-year-old are now but a distant memory. These days, the challenge is feeding someone who can't always tolerate the smell of food and can only eat a small amount at a time. Luckily (or unfortunately, really) there are lots of resources on the interwebs for info on feeding chemo patients and some are proving to be very helpful.

Overall, I'm torn between wanting to feed him only the absolutely healthiest food imaginable and indulging him with whatever comfort foods he wants, while being limited by what his stomach will allow. I am very fortunate that meat and fatty foods are pretty much a no-go for him which, conveniently enough, allows me to stick with the whole flexitarian thing (aside from the occasional trip to Dairy Queen, which I am not even sure contains dairy).

Since it's still summer (more or less) I think smoothies are going to be the mainstay of the next few weeks. I've been using my trusty stick blender but I'm actually considering spending the BIG BUCKS on a "real" blender, like a Vitamix or Blendtec. But YIKES! Have you seen how much those things cost?? However, if it will pulverize a green smoothie to the point where we don't have kale flags stuck to our teeth, it might be worth it. And, if I'm going to go for it, I should do it before the medical bills come in. I've seen some of the EOBs from the insurance company already and, well, you don't want to know.

Now that things have settled down slightly -- meaning nothing scary has happened this week -- I have to get my act together and start cooking consistently again. I also need to get back to posting recipes here on the blog. I didn't realize how much I count on this blog to help me keep my notes together until I went to recreate a successful dish only to realize I never posted it.

So I have a new focus, and I hope you're willing to come along. It's always more fun with someone riding shotgun.
 

As the world turns...

Funny how life sometimes take an abrupt left turn as you were leaning right, isn't it? Here we are, cruising along nicely after our wedding last November, and out of nowhere my husband finds out he has a fairly serious illness. So instead of beating ourselves up over those extra twenty ten pounds, we get to figure out how to deal with nastiness like tests and scans and treatments and specialists and clinics. I can say with authority that it's not much fun.

As for how this relates to what I put in my mouth, a few things stand out already. First, Hubby had been losing his appetite for a few weeks before The News, which means I have not been cooking as much. Add that to the stress of wrapping our heads around the whole mess and I've lost five pounds.

Secretly, I'm pleased, but I do NOT recommend this as a weight loss plan.

Second, I have fallen back into a few bad habits. I've probably had more Diet Coke in the last two weeks than I've had this year so far. And today I stopped at Sbux for the first time in months. Oh I know it could be worse, but these are not habits I want to pick up again long term. I can probably nip the Sbux thing in the bud but I'm afraid the DC thing is here to stay for awhile. One bright spot is that I seem fixated on fountain drinks only and am not lugging 24 packs home.

The storm has not yet hit the shore so I don't know how bad things are going to get, or how quickly, so if you don't hear from me for awhile, that's why. I will probably be writing on my other blog more frequently because I let myself use bad words over there.

(#&*$^#*&^#$&@#$@$!!)

(Sorry, just had to get that out of my system.)
 

Why I >heart< the interwebs

(Like the new banner? That's what happens when I'm stuck at my desk with a paint program on my computer and no real work to do.)

How did I ever manage to cook before the interwebs were invented? I constantly scour my favorite food blogs and websites for recipes. I keep track of them in a blog that I use as a virtual shoebox. I write them up here so I can find them when I lose the scribbled-up printout in the pile that is my hard-copy recipe collection.

BTW, do people even say 'printout' any more?

The interwebs came to my rescue again, when I was trying to figure out what to cook for my first dinner post-freakout, I went into an absolute search frenzy and ended staring at a wonderfully simple veggie chili recipe on Chow.com. Even though I already have many vegetarian recipes, I felt the need for something new, and it fit the bill perfectly.

Of course I had to fuss with it so it's not quite so basic any more. Here's what I got.

Post-Freakout Bean & Veggie Chili
Adapted from The Basics: Veggie Chili on Chow.com

1 Tablespoon oil
1 onion, chopped
1 carrot, peeled & diced
1 stalk celery, chopped
6-8 oz mushrooms, finely diced (opt.)
1 bell pepper, seeded & diced (I prefer non-green)
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 cup frozen corn, thawed
1-2 Tablespoons ground cumin (to taste)
1-3 teaspoons chili powder (commercial mix or otherwise, to taste)
2 teaspoons unsweetened cocoa powder (opt.)
1 teaspoon smoked paprika (opt.)
1 med. zucchini, diced
1 - 16 ounce jar salsa, you choice of heat
3/4 cup water (more if needed)
1 Tablespoon tomato paste
2 - 15 ounce cans of any kind of beans, drained & rinsed
Salt & pepper to taste

Heat the oil in a pot over med. high heat. Add onions, celery, and carrot, season with a little salt & pepper. Cook, stirring frequently, until onions start to brown.

Add garlic, mushrooms, corn, and bell pepper. Cook, stirring frequently, until mushrooms start to brown. If the corn starts to brown, that's even better.

Add spices, stir until spices are warmed and fragrant.

Add the zucchini, salsa, water, tomato paste, and beans. Bring to boil, reduce to simmer, and simmer for 10-15 minutes (minimum) until veggies are all cooked and chili reaches desired consistency. Adjust seasonings.

Serve with avocado, grated cheese, sour cream/yogurt, whatever floats your boat. I often serve chili over rice.

Notes:

• The longer you simmer, it the better it will be.


• I used a can of pintos and a can of black beans, but just about anything will work. Well, I'm not so sure I'd use chickpeas, but that's just me.


• The original recipe calls for canned tomatoes but they are usually too tart for my guys. My new trick is to use salsa + water + tomato paste and seems to do the trick.


• I added diced mushrooms for a fake ground beef feel. You can leave them out if your audience objects.


• I like to add smoked paprika for that smoky flavor without the heat of chipotle, but YMMV.


• I have been known to thicken chili with a little masa harina/water slurry right at the end. Didn't do it this time, but I might next time.

So there. It's a fair amount of chopping, but it did get done in time to qualify as Project Weeknight.

Everyone ate it. And that's why I >heart< the interwebs.