Surviving Catastrophic Life Changes

I'm sure most of you (if there are any of you left) already know that things went downhill fast and Hubby passed away near the end of September. It's impossible to believe it was almost two months ago.

I'm not going to whine about how much it sucks (lots) or how hard it is (very) 'cause I already have other outlets for that. Here, I can write about other things, like, say, food.

So let's do precisely that, shall we?

Once Hubby was no longer able to eat, my diet consisted mainly of Diet Coke and fast food. Surprisingly, I didn't gain any weight but didn't lose any either (blast you, comfort eating!) Then came condolences in the form of food gift baskets and of course I had to eat those. It would be rude not to, you know. Let's just say I got REALLY used to not cooking.

So now, two months post-apocalypse, I'm digging myself out of the trench, food-wise.

The first order of business has been to get back into getting real food on the table on weeknights. I am so grateful for my Project Weeknight archives! Yeah, I still pulled out a few more Blue Boxes than I'd like to admit, and once I even resorted to stacked cans of faux-Chinese food (FAIL!) but I'm getting there.

Now that the food gifts and Halloween candy are gone, I'm trying to get some weight off. Fast food has been officially demoted to emergency status only. I'm not quite ready to give up my daily Diet Coke, although this cold weather we're having is stifling my urge to run out and get a tall frosty one, IYKWIM.

Since lunches at work have been notoriously fast-food-centric, I'm using my Blendtec blender (LOVE!!) to make myself a green smoothie to take to work every day for lunch. It's only been a week, but the scale is starting to inch down just a bit.

Basic Green Smoothie
Based on Angela's Green Monster Smoothie and Alton Brown's Buff Smoothie

Makes ~32 fl. oz.

8 oz. frozen strawberries/mixed berries, by weight
4 oz. frozen mango or peaches, by weight
1 med. banana, sliced (~ 4 oz.) (see note)
2-4 oz. greens, by weight (see note)
12 fl. ounces milk of choice (I use unsweetened almond milk)
Other add-ins as desired (flaxseed, protein powder, whatever)

Blend following your blender directions, treating the frozen berries/mangoes as ice.

Notes:

• Since steamed greens are more easily digested, I buy raw kale and spinach, rough chop, and steam in the microwave. I then freeze them in zip-top bags in thin layers. Then I just break off what I need. I also sometimes include some romaine lettuce; raw, of course. It adds a really, um, earthy flavor, but I learned in my BAS days that romaine is amazingly full of nutrients so I suck it up.


• I buy bananas in large quantities, let them get fully ripe (or even a little past) then peel them and freeze them in a single layer in a zip-top bag.


• Also, since I am very lazy in the morning, on the weekends I'll portion out several zip-top sandwich bags containing 8 oz. frozen berries + 4 oz. frozen mangoes/peaches. Then all I have to do in the morning is grab one of those, one banana, break off some greens, and I'm ready to whirl.


• My blender instruction say to put the liquid and unfrozen stuff in first, then the frozen stuff on top. If I have frozen bananas, I thaw the frozen berries/mangoes in the microwave for a minute and put that in first, then slice the frozen banana on top. If I have a room temp banana I put it in first and the frozen fruit in last.

I don't know how long it's going to take me to get sick to death of these things, but if it gets me through the holidays, I'll be happy.

My latest discovery has been homemade Larabars. I completely burned out on bars during my briefly-successful-then-disastrous attempt at Atkins some years back so I'd never even had a Larabar, but for some reason I decided I had to try making some. They are fabulous and, miracle of miracles, my son loves them too. I made a small batch of Fudge Babies for dessert last night and they were perfect!

I'm taking the fact that I even care about real food a good sign. Here's hoping I can keep it going for awhile.
 

Where it's at

Hi, I'm back! Here's how I spent the last six weeks, in three acts:

Act I: Hubby gets cancer diagnosis. Ahhhh! Run around hysterically, rend garments, ululate a little (in private, of course). Tests are run, no one knows WTF is going on. Fall into depths of despair. Screw 2012 -- world will certainly end before that.

Act II: Information dribbles in. Puzzle pieces sssllllowly drift into place. Aha! We have a villain! To battle! Gird loins, check armaments, etc. Adrenaline is pumping. Treatment begins, side effects are minimal. We will vanquish the foe!

Act III: Wha-huh? It's gonna be weeks before we know if there are any results? Side effects start to appear. Hmmm... looks like this will be a marathon, not a sprint. Recalibrate stress hormones, stow battle gear and ashes/sackcloth. Try to get a handle on what The New Reality looks like.

Aaaand... cut to the present day.

Initially Hubby had a few weeks of ravenous appetite from massive doses of steroids but those days of him shoveling chow like a seventeeer-year-old are now but a distant memory. These days, the challenge is feeding someone who can't always tolerate the smell of food and can only eat a small amount at a time. Luckily (or unfortunately, really) there are lots of resources on the interwebs for info on feeding chemo patients and some are proving to be very helpful.

Overall, I'm torn between wanting to feed him only the absolutely healthiest food imaginable and indulging him with whatever comfort foods he wants, while being limited by what his stomach will allow. I am very fortunate that meat and fatty foods are pretty much a no-go for him which, conveniently enough, allows me to stick with the whole flexitarian thing (aside from the occasional trip to Dairy Queen, which I am not even sure contains dairy).

Since it's still summer (more or less) I think smoothies are going to be the mainstay of the next few weeks. I've been using my trusty stick blender but I'm actually considering spending the BIG BUCKS on a "real" blender, like a Vitamix or Blendtec. But YIKES! Have you seen how much those things cost?? However, if it will pulverize a green smoothie to the point where we don't have kale flags stuck to our teeth, it might be worth it. And, if I'm going to go for it, I should do it before the medical bills come in. I've seen some of the EOBs from the insurance company already and, well, you don't want to know.

Now that things have settled down slightly -- meaning nothing scary has happened this week -- I have to get my act together and start cooking consistently again. I also need to get back to posting recipes here on the blog. I didn't realize how much I count on this blog to help me keep my notes together until I went to recreate a successful dish only to realize I never posted it.

So I have a new focus, and I hope you're willing to come along. It's always more fun with someone riding shotgun.
 

As the world turns...

Funny how life sometimes take an abrupt left turn as you were leaning right, isn't it? Here we are, cruising along nicely after our wedding last November, and out of nowhere my husband finds out he has a fairly serious illness. So instead of beating ourselves up over those extra twenty ten pounds, we get to figure out how to deal with nastiness like tests and scans and treatments and specialists and clinics. I can say with authority that it's not much fun.

As for how this relates to what I put in my mouth, a few things stand out already. First, Hubby had been losing his appetite for a few weeks before The News, which means I have not been cooking as much. Add that to the stress of wrapping our heads around the whole mess and I've lost five pounds.

Secretly, I'm pleased, but I do NOT recommend this as a weight loss plan.

Second, I have fallen back into a few bad habits. I've probably had more Diet Coke in the last two weeks than I've had this year so far. And today I stopped at Sbux for the first time in months. Oh I know it could be worse, but these are not habits I want to pick up again long term. I can probably nip the Sbux thing in the bud but I'm afraid the DC thing is here to stay for awhile. One bright spot is that I seem fixated on fountain drinks only and am not lugging 24 packs home.

The storm has not yet hit the shore so I don't know how bad things are going to get, or how quickly, so if you don't hear from me for awhile, that's why. I will probably be writing on my other blog more frequently because I let myself use bad words over there.

(#&*$^#*&^#$&@#$@$!!)

(Sorry, just had to get that out of my system.)
 

Thursday

Discovery of the day: Surviving Jack in the Box

Last night was a fast food night. I had errands to run after work, and on a schoolnight that means fast food. We landed up at Jack in the Box. I practiced some restraint by limiting myself to a Jumbo Jack. My son got his kid's meal and we split his fries. I was proud of having fed us for under $5.00.

But someone ordered a milkshake as we sat there waiting for our order and that did me in. I love their milkshakes, especially the Oreo Cookie shake. I caved in and ordered us a shake to share for dessert.

I suppose I got points for not ordering two shakes, or not getting my own order of fries. And for skipping the whipped cream on the shake -- that was mighty tempting.

I guess it could have been worse. But I'm still not going to check the nutritional information on the website.
&nsbp;

Thursday

Discovery of the day: Surviving an unintended vacation

Wow - I just realized that I'll get through almost a whole week without having to cook. My Significant Other (we really are too old for me to be calling him my boyfriend, y'know) is Back East on business, and my son is with his dad most evenings.

Monday I picked up my son for dinner and since I had errands to run, we decided to go for Thai food. Unfortunately our favorite place is closed on Mondays (grrr!) so I ended up at Jack In The Box stuffing a Jumbo Jack in my face. And fries. But I only drank maybe a quarter of my son's Oreo shake.

Tuesday I had a haircut right after work, and by the time I got through that and stopped at the grocery store, I was starving. Somehow a package of bakery brownies ended up in my basket and you know what happened next.

Last night was running class. I had a pretty tough run -- forgot to drink enough water during the day and really didn't eat enough in the late afternoon. But I stuck with my beloved shredded wheat, so I didn't hurt myself too badly.

Tonight I'm meeting my best pal for dinner and I'm finally gonna get me some Thai food. Tomorrow night my son and I will enjoy our traditional Friday Night DVD and Blue Box. If the planets align and I remember to buy more lettuce I'll have a BBBAS and all will be well.

When all is said and done, it looks like I'll be two for five in the respectable dinner department. Not my best week ever.

I have been eating my regular breakfasts and BAS lunches so it's not like I've totally lost my mind. But I'm not getting a gold star for the week, either.
 

Tuesday

Discovery of the day: Surviving Denver

I got really lucky this time. Denver, at least the area around the Convention Center, is extremely survivable in the flexitarian sense. There were two Starbuck's within walking distance, and I was only two blocks down from the 16th Street pedestrian mall which houses a wide variety of do-able food.

I packed apples, bananas, and peanut butter in my luggage (Note to self: bananas don't pack well!) and that covered me for all four breakfasts. One day for lunch I hit a salad place, reminiscent of the place I found in Tucson, and another day I found a small city market with some upscale produce and bulk foods that provided both lunch and dinner.

On our last evening in town, my co-worker and I found a vegan restaurant within walking distance. It was mobbed, even on a Tuesday night. I was puzzled by that until I realized that Denver is a college town. I ordered tamales, refried beans, and rice then kicked myself when I realized that I could have had that anywhere. I should'a ordered something unusual. But it was fun.

Overall, other than getting my butt kicked by the altitude, I weathered the trip pretty well. I didn't feel like I hurt myself, like I often do on travel.

Yay, Denver!
 

Wednesday

Discovery of the day: Surviving Starbuck's

I can't help it. I love Starbuck's. I've tried espresso stands, local shops, and other chains but I keep heading back to Big Green. I'm not far from Seattle so that's saying something; we are riddled with coffee places. Reminds me of when I lived in a small town in Wisconsin in the late 70s. There was a 'corner bar' on practically every street corner, even in residential areas. And I am not even kidding.

Some people think Sbux is 'evil corporate coffee' and that it's over-roasted or too strong but to me it is simply sweet nectar from the gods handed to me by angels in green aprons. OK, maybe that's overstating it a bit. But not much.

However, one trip per workday (sometimes two if I forget my morning travel cup from home) can add up, both in terms of cash and calories. Here's how I ensure maximum coffee goodness with minimal impact to my budget and butt.

A tall (12 oz) brewed coffee with an ounce or two of soy milk (around here they use Vanilla Silk) costs about $1.70 and, as far as I can figure, has way less than 50 calories. This time of year I get it iced, although they don't have iced decaf so I have to go full-lead. (awww, darn...) I use Splenda so no calories there.

To compare, a tall caffè latte with 2% would be 150 calories, without any fancy flavoring syrups. And a grande mocha frappuccino (my former favorite summer treat) is almost 400 calories! Not sure how much those cost but I'm pretty sure the tall latte is around $3.50. The grande frappuccino is surely in excess of $4.00.

So on average I probably spend about $10/week. Caloric impact: Minimal. I almost always bring my lunch so I figure $10 toward my mental well-being is money well spent.
 

Thursday

Discovery of the day: Surviving the waiting room

I didn't plan very well for yesterday's stint at the hospital. The timeline didn't go quite as advertised and I found myself in the waiting room, uh, waiting and unable/unwilling to leave to get food.

I did manage to score a BAS at the cafeteria in the early afternoon just as my boyfriend headed into surgery, but for dinner I ended up resorting to a burger on the ferry home at 9 pm. It had a "5" written on the wrapper. I can only imagine that meant it was fresh at 5 pm. But with enough condiments it was downright tasty.

My only excuse is that we left the house at 6:30am and I wasn't conscious enough to grab some fruit Just In Case, as usual. Oh well.

I'm doing better today although there's 3 days worth of romaine in my fridge that hasn't been cleaned yet and I'm leaving town in less than 30 hours.

Will I get to it tonight? How much of it will I have to toss when I get back? Stay tuned....
 

Tuesday

Discovery of the day: Surviving Costa Rica

The good news: it's easy-peasy!

For the first time in recorded history, I made it back from vacation without gaining a single pound. My boyfriend lost a couple pounds but he doesn't recommend his method -- he got hit with a fast-moving intestinal bug.

I've decided that I am in love with gallo pinto, the unofficial Costa Rican national dish. It's black beans and rice, but it's so much more. The secret is Salsa Lizano, a beloved Costa Rican condiment with a worcestershirey-vinegary-'green' flavor. Good stuff!

The 90 deg temps helped suppress my appetite, and the abundance of fresh produce coupled with a reasonably safe water supply (and the fact that we rented a house --> we had a kitchen) made it all work. Plus, Costa Rica isn't a major food destination so the temptation to eat out a lot just wasn't there.

It was funny to see the signs for Quizno's, KFC, and Pizza Hut, though.

All in all, a good break. Now that I'm back at my desk, I realize how much of my eating comes from boredom. I've made great strides in controlling that over the years but there's still work to be done. There's always work to be done, isn't there?
 

Thursday

Discovery of the day: Surviving the heartland

I did it! I got home from the trip Tuesday and the scale registered a mere +3 lbs yesterday morning! And today it was back where it should be.

Can't ask for more than that, especially since the only vegetation I managed to scrounge consisted of salad-based airplane meals, an iceberg lettuce salad, and mushrooms & onions on my pizza. Fruit was a little easier to come by, thankfully.

I'm still trying to overcome "travel brain" (I'm a travel wuss, I know that) but by tomorrow I should be back on my regular posting schedule.

I know you're breathless with anticipation.
;)
 

Wednesday

Discovery of the day: Surviving Tucson

Had a wonderful extended weekend and only brought back an extra pound or so. Phew!

The two BAS restaurants nearby saved my bacon, so to speak. One was an all-you-can eat salad bar/buffet type thing where I could build myself a BAS and my fellow diners could have all sorts of other things. The other place was cool -- you select your ingredients from a checklist and they build it for you. Choose your greens, five additions (beans, veggies, etc.), then protein (meat, baked tofu!), then dressing (available on the side). Wasn't cheap, but an excellent lunch option all the same.

The other thing that saved me was my trip to the grocery store that first day to buy massive quantities of fruit. I ate fruit salad every morning and ended up sharing with my boyfriend and our host, too. My boyfriend even got the chopping started for me many of the mornings while I was in the shower. What a guy!

So fruit for breakfast, BAS for lunch (most of the time), and then I ate pretty much what I wanted for dinner. Each night I was sure I'd order dessert, but I was usually too full.

The cautionary tale is the effect my transgressions had on my... inner workings. The first day we went to a Mexican place for lunch and I couldn't resist the green corn tamales. Well, my colon had no trouble resisting and I paid mightily the next day. Ouch! I think it was the slug of cornmeal that freaked out my system. Also found that I had a lot of discomfort after meals with meat (BBQ - mmmm!) Or maybe it was the french fries. The ones at the BBQ place were slammin'! :)

But all in all, the discomfort was well worth it. By picking my battles, I got through with only minor setbacks. Yay! Sure wish we had either one of those salad places around here.
 

Monday

Discovery of the day: Surviving a weekend away

I did it! I went to the Big City for a romantic weekend with my boyfriend and I didn't gain 8 lbs! I know, it would be (practically) physically impossible to gain 8 lbs in less than 24 hours, but ya never know....

I managed to find a reasonable (BAS) option for lunch Saturday. That afternoon I bought some fruit at the farmer's market to take back to hotel room. We had an amazing dinner Sat. night and although I did not deny myself, I did stop eating when I was full. (That's not always a given for me.)

Ate the fruit for breakfast Sun. morning, and after more wandering around town we went to a very upscale vegetarian place for lunch. Took forever (Sunday brunch, trendy neighborhood, you get the idea) but eventually ended up with a very nice BAS w/avocado, grapefruit, and grilled shiitakes. Boyfriend had a really cool winter vegetable hash w/horseradish. Yes, I did eat food from his plate. We're at that point in our relationship so it's ok. :)

Sunday night I was back at home with my standard BAS. And this morning there was little or no movement on the scale -- yay!

I did end up with some intestinal upset Sunday; not surprising, I guess, since I did eat meat and cheese and bread and dessert along with my (small) mixed green salad. But the food was so good it was worth it.

My goal this week is to not get upset this week if I don't lose any more weight. I'm sure my yo-yo dieting over the past few decades is going to make it really hard to get things moving this time, now that the initial chunk is gone. I just gotta hang tough.
 

Tuesday

Discovery of the day: Surviving TDM

By the time my son & I left the dentist office yesterday afternoon there wasn't much mental energy left to spend on cooking. My boyfriend suggested we go out to Taco Del Mar. OK, I figured they had lettuce and beans there so I could probably find something to eat.

I ended up getting a Cabo Salad with pinto beans instead of meat and no cheese. I also had them put guacamole on it. :)

Verdict: Not bad. It contained a decent amount of lettuce, and between the pintos and the black bean & corn salsa, I felt like I had plenty to eat. The only downside was that the guacamole was really salty.

I've eaten there regularly for awhile and haven't noticed that problem before so hopefully it was a random thing. But the scale didn't like all that salt! I've been generous with the water today so I'm sure all will be well tomorrow.

I'm kind of at a loss for other fast food places to try. I can't bear to eat a limp, smelly McDonald's salad, and salad bars generally seem to be a thing of the past. If there was a place called Big-Ass Salads, I'd be there!
 

Wednesday

Discovery of the Day: Surviving Chinese food

Yesterday after work we went for that haircut and ended up at the Chinese restaurant next door. I had pretty much resigned myself to falling off the wagon but managed to come out of it OK despite myself.

I ordered Veggie Delight (just stir fried vegs in a light sauce, luckily not oily.) It was a generous portion. I did eat half an egg roll, but I only ate maybe 1 or 2 bites of white rice and scarfed a few strips of my son's teriyaki chicken. And even though I usually retain a LOT of fluid the day after eating Asian food for dinner, the scale was up only ~0.5 lb this morning.

I think I dodged a bullet.

I like to use chopsticks when eating Pacific Rim-type foods, and not just to show off (I'm not that good!) It slows me down and makes it harder to eat the rice, although I can shovel in a decent amount if I try. I even use chopsticks when I'm home by myself if I'm eating a bowl of noodles or stir fry or something. I bought a 100-pack of disposable wooden ones at a restaurant supply store almost 2 years ago and I still have a bunch left. It cost me something like 5 cents. OK, maybe not 5 cents, but they were chee-eep!

The other thing that saved me last night was that I have had nary a craving. I suppose it's because I've been eating an obscene amount of plant fiber -- enough to block up my sink, but that's another story. If I had gotten on a white rice binge, I probably could have eaten both scoops on my plate as well as the remaining scoop on my son's. But even after a couple of bites, I didn't start jonesing over it.

Amazing.

As I sit here at my desk trying to eat my BAS with my little plastic fork and dropping chickpeas all over the floor, I'm wondering if I should employ chopsticks with my BAS. The little plastic fork just ain't cuttin' it.

I've already got tonight's dinner figured out (nice for a change!) Leftover white bean & kale soup, a chunk of good quality crunchy-crust bread in the oven for young son & boyfriend, and, of course, the ubiquitous BAS.

Speaking of ubiquitous, I wonder if or when I'll get to the point where I can't stand the sight of leafy greens. On one hand, sometimes I can eat the same things day after day -- same breakfast cereal, same sandwich for lunch -- because it spares me from having to make a decision. On the other hand, with some foods I hit a point where "That's alls I can stands, and I can't stands no more..." and I can't touch it again. Like eggs, lunchmeat, and low-carb bars from when I did Atkins. I can (oops, could) handle eggs again after a certain point, but lunchmeat is iffy and the bars are right out. Urp!

We'll just have to wait and see, I guess.